I can't tell who's funnier: the landlord or Will's fro. Is that David S.?

Filed Under celebrity, cute, humor, so bad its good | 2 Comments

This video is amusing, but rife with commonly held historical innaccuracies. For instance:

1. Myth: George Washington had like 30 goddamn dicks.
   Fact: Historians have argued for thousands of years over the number of dicks George Washington had. By some accounts it was as low as 18, but there are documents claiming the number to be as high as 3,342. Most historians agree that the number is somewhere between 1 and 900 [Rasheed, 675]
   


2. Myth: George Washington fucked the shit out of bears.
   Fact: George Washington never fucked the shit out of any bears. In fact, the bear wasn’t even discovered until 1970 (more than 35 years after George Washington’s fatal car accident) [NYTimes, 3/2/70].
   


3. Myth: George Washington had a Schnauser.
   Fact: Ever since cutting down his fathers cherry tree, George Washington avoided all wood products and dogs [Vonnegut, 84].
   

The only fresh, undisputable fact the writers are privy to is that George Washington rode a crystal horse. Being radioactive, a live horse would have died instantly when he fed the horse its carrots.

Filed Under celebrity, political, musical journey, humor, future classic, animation, so bad its good | Leave a Comment

Here, the future governor of California demonstrates his can-do attitude in the face of apathy, disinterest, and even resistance.
Best line:

After watching the mulattoes shake it, I can absolutely understand why Brazil is totally devoted to my favorite body part: the ass.

Mike Tyson’s Funniest moments

Posted on Friday, April 13, 2007, 12:00 am, MST-25200

(1 votes, average: 3 out of 5)  Loading ...

Its like watching a terrible accident take place.

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I’m bummed that they left out the part where he says he draws inspiration from his white tigers. Come to think of it…

Mike Tyson is a lot like Mike Jackson. They both:

1. At one point were the best at what they did
2. Were worth many millions of dollars, but are now in debt
3. Are now the object of ridicule (see above)
4. Have disfigured their faces (Tyson has a tattoo covering a good portion of his)
5. Have been accused of rape (one convicted)
6. Have remarkably high voices
7. Have had zoo-worthy, famous animal companions (MJ has his Chimp, Bubbles, and Tyson has his inspirational white tigers)
8. Are despicable, yet strangely pitiable.

Filed Under Amazing Skills, celebrity, built differently, Sports, scary | Leave a Comment

Put ‘Em on the Glass (NSFW)

Posted on Tuesday, April 10, 2007, 12:01 am, MST-25200

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)  Loading ...

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Classic: "36 D's a make a man skid"

Sir Mix-A-Lot’s lesser-known sequel to Baby Got Back.

Our first NSFW video!!

Yesterday, shark “cock-thing”. Today boobs.
Which is your favorite lyric:

• The abstract? :
  Some say I only rap about wealth
  But baby can I talk about your health?
  Lungs, lungs, motherfuckin lungs
  Get a brother oh so strung


• or the illustrative?:
  Just get in the left lane and show me your insane
  And fill up the window with fangs

This song, Mix-A-Lot’s immediate follow up to Baby Got Back failed to win him the attention of his earlier hit. Believe it or not, neither did his 1994 single Chief Boot Knocka.

Thanks to Jamie for alerting us to this one!

Filed Under Hidden Gems, celebrity, terrible, musical journey, NSFW, degrading | Leave a Comment

Sean Connery justifies hitting women

Posted on Wednesday, April 4, 2007, 12:01 am, MST-25200

(1 votes, average: 4 out of 5)  Loading ...

Don't worry, its not all the time--only if they act up.

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Luckily for Barb Walters (and all her fans), this wasn't filmed in person, because it sounded to me like she was talking back a little. Thanks to Julia K in NY for sending this one in!

But who would dare approach Sir Sean Connery with anything but dignity and respect?

Filed Under Hidden Gems, celebrity, terrible | Leave a Comment

The Hoff in a terrible, terrible music video

Posted on Saturday, March 31, 2007, 12:01 am, MST-25200

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Our beaches are no longer safe. How does a man go from making quality dramas like KnightRider and Baywatch to this crap? There are only two possibilities: beanie baby addiction or scientology. Either way, he is hooked... Speaking of which, have you seen this at your local grocery store? I can't get enough! Just be sure not to choke on the chest hair.

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Get (up) off that….crack.

Posted on Wednesday, March 28, 2007, 12:01 am, MST-25200

(1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)  Loading ...

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James Brown out of his mind on TV

James keeps answering sensitive questions with song lyrics. Its just insane.  Clinton should totally have used that during the Lewinsky trial.

• Q: Did you have relations with that woman?

• A: She's a brick...house.  My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hon.

Thanks to Daniel for sending this.

Filed Under the power of chemicals, celebrity | Leave a Comment